


"You are all worth it"

by Liz Lee (LizLee_131013)



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, I am a little bit sorry, Interviews, Leo suffers from depression, Mental Health Issues, Processing, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tattoos, Triggers, it's not that depressing though, semicolon tattoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7957063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizLee_131013/pseuds/Liz%20Lee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some tattoos have more meaning than others. When Leo is asked about his new one he shares it's story. But it's not as peacefull or romantic as expected</p>
            </blockquote>





	"You are all worth it"

**Author's Note:**

> I had an sponanious idea and hat to write it down. I am sorry for bad grammar and spelling. Also TRIGGER WARING.  
> Have fun reading it.  
> LoL (lots of love)  
> Liz

Taekwoon stared down at his forearm and his hand covering the inerasable black letters tattooed under the skin there. He bit his lower lip and looked up and shot the interviewer and the audience an insecure smile. He took a deep breath and reviled the tattoo on his arm. He saw the camera zoom in and blushed at an instance because he knew that now everyone in this room was able to read the words written down to be “read for an eternity” as Hakyeon had said once.

_“You are all worth it”_

The host Super Junior's Kangin read aloud.  “Who is that to?” “It’s a reminder to himself”, Hakyeon answered in his place. “That he is all worth it?” Hakyeon nodded energetically. “What does it mean? I mean the meaning is pretty clear. But what’s the meaning behind it why did you get this Tattoo? This as N called it reminder?”, Amber the second host of the show asked. Before Taekwoon was even able to say a word Hakyeon did. “I made him do it” He said quickly wanting to save his best friend form the unpleasant answer. “You made him get this Tattoo?”, Kangin sounded a bit doubtful. Hakyeon nodded. “Why?” “Because I wanted him to remember it for the rest of his life” “And what was the reason you wanted him to remember this? I mean you probably didn’t just walk over to Leo-ssi and tell him “Hey I think you really should get this tattoo”” “No I…” “He found my suicide note” It was only a whisper almost too silent to be heard but it was and it caused a united gasp through the room. “Your what?” Kangins tone was a witness of the pure shock that sat deep in the bones of the hosts and the audience. Taekwoon blushed again and stared down at his hands. He swallowed heavily. After a deep breath he finally had the courage to speak up. “My suicide note. I… Uhm… About nine months ago I suddenly started to develop a deep depression. I would stop going out, stop doing exercise, stop talking even to my closest friends an members and I’d even stop eating for sometimes a few days. I suffered from the extreme fear of failure and that I’d disappoint people whose opinions were really important to me. I felt like I was never able and would never be able to live up to their expectations so I started to lock myself up behind well-built walls to flee from that feeling and when I started doing this the others started to notice. And they would start to ask questions and try to help me and get me out of my self-built cage. They’d care so much about me and my health when I reached a point where I’d just stop caring myself and they put so much effort into helping me to feel better, when I’d never done anything to deserve that effort and attention. I just felt like I wasn’t worth any of their attempts to make me happy. Then one day I had an all-time low. I felt like crap like I didn’t deserve any of what I had, the fame, the talent, the fans, the love, my friends, my family. I felt so useless and worthless. And I ran to our bathroom and take out some sleeping-pills Hyuk had to take for a while due to stress. And I took the rest of the package with me to mine and Hakyeons room who had a schedule until way after midnight so I knew I was alone for quite a while. So I went back to our room took paper and a pen and started writing. I wrote like three pages in total and when I finished writing I just sat there and stared at the letter for a few minutes. The pills where lying right next to me. Five of those could have killed me I took eight out of the package. I had them in my hand. And suddenly I realized what I was actually doing. I panicked. Threw the pills away and hid the letter somewhere. I locked myself up in the toilet for an hour and just cried”

Taekwoon stopped. During his whole speech he had stared at his own hands. He was shaking. He’d never expected to tell this story in public he hadn’t even told his parents. He never had told it like that to anyone. He had to tell his members but he’d never told it without any breaks. He breathed in shakily. Suddenly he felt someone squeezing his hand and someone else traced soothing circles on his back. He finally was able to look up just to see everyone in the room staring at him. So he looked away again

“And then you soughed help?” Kangin asked carefully. Taekwoon had to look at him but he wasn’t able to hold his stare for too long. He swallowed again and answered. “No” He shook his head slightly. “No?” “No. Well I wanted to but I just didn’t really know how to ask for it” Kangin nodded understandingly. “What… What happened then?” Amber asked a bit hesitant. There was a short silence and the Hakyeon raised his voice. “I found the letter. He had hid it under my mattress and when I changed the sheets I found it. It was addressed to me” “To you?” “Uhm yes, so I read it and I was just shocked seems to be an understatement I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do I. My first reflex was to just start crying. I cried. I knew he was sitting in the next room and I had no idea what he had done to himself. I was completely helpless. I just sat on the floor and was unable to do anything but cry. Jaehwan found me about an hour later still crying. He asked me what had happed and I showed him the letter. And after I managed to calm down a bit we confronted Taekwoon. We talked it out, all together and we managed it to convince him to go to therapy” He explained Taekwoon had nodded in acknowledgment. “And because of that you made him get the tattoo?” Kangin asked. “Yes. I wanted him to have a reminder of how much he means to us. Each of the words is written by a different member” “Really?” The question was for Taekwoon. He nodded. “Yeah, every member wrote one word.” “Can we see it again” Taekwoon nodded again and showed it again. “Is this a semicolon tattoo?” Amber pointed at the tiny semicolon at the end of the sentence. “Yes it’s also” Amber nodded. “Wow such a meaningful tattoo. It’s really something you shoud embrace. Thank you for telling sharing its story with us. I think it’s really important to talk about such things” Kangin hummed in agreement before he continued with the moderation of the next show segment.


End file.
